saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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