did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
