some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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