I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish i was in the wii world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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