So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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