Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
