So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
