Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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