we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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