Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i drank out of a bidet.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
