i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
