She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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