for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
