i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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