do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize