Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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