I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We got so high we made milksteak
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
