i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
