so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
