He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm passing your future prison.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
