she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will pee on everything he values.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
