Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
