Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
