his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
