Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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