I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
