Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
