ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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