he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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