Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
