I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
