grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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