I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
