Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Be still, my beating vagina.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
