I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
