So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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