Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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