apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
