it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
