Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to make a zoo with you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
