id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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