Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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