Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
