fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize