I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
