She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wish there were birth control emojis
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
