I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
