Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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