The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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