I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
