Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
