There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
