No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
