Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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