is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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