I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
