i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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