Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
