Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
