Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
