I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
