Don't make out with my wife yet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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