Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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