she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
