It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
