new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
