Soap is not a condiment
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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