i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
